If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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