Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
