I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
