in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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