Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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