um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
