he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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