Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
