the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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