I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
