is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
