The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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