I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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