Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
