I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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