I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
