ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
