Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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