We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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