i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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