I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
