My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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