Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
