Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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