you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
