I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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