Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize