My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How does one acquire holy water?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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