White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
