You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
