I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
