we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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