The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
