is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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