i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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