Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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