Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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