Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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