i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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