I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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