whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
