thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
