I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
