Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
