I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize