all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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