Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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