my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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