I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
