This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
