What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize