Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
