You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
