My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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