Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize