He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
