Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
