Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
