Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to calm my uterus...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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