I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
