You just made me feel so damn special
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
