Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
