know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
