I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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