did you get engaged???
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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