you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
