I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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