do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize