Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do vagina's smell?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
