you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize