I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
