you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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