i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
