Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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