Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
