I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
