Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
